I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
