Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
