"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
