Pappa wants mamma naked
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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