I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
