I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize