I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
