i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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