I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think your dad took our porno
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
