the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
