chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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