I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
