I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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