11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize