Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
