I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
