ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
