it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
