apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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