so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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