Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
