You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
