We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
