honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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