Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
