i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
