I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
