Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
