you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize