I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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