final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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