all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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