Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
