Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Terrible idea I love it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize