respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
