smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
