I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
