It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
