Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
