Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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