so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
