do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
