I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
