Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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