She's JV to your varsity
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
