I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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