the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
being pregnant is like rehab
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
