i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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