Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
did you just send me my own nude
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
