We're facebook friends in real life
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No subtext here. People are naked.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
