I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
being pregnant is like rehab
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
