you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
