Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
