I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
