Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
