i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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