New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have fence marks all over my body
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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