toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
