If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
