I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize