drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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