Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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