my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
