Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
