ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
