Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
