I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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