So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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