my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
