if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay