Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying