We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.