They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
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Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.