i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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